


Silence

by FlamesRise



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Internal Monologue, M/M, Mental Instability, Relationship Issues, Self-Hatred, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22101949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlamesRise/pseuds/FlamesRise
Summary: Komaeda's insecurities and doubts keep him awake at night.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 10
Kudos: 120





	Silence

Silence. 

All he could hear was pure silence. Barely broken by the shallow breathing of the boy beside him, as he slept peacefully. 

It was unbearable. Having nothing to distract him from the endless tangle of swirling thoughts, nowhere to hide, no chance of running away. It wasn't the first time he'd been kept up sleepless, but it never got any less painful. 

Sleeping next to Hinata was something he just couldn't get used to. It was everything he'd wanted, needed, _craved_ for so long. But now that he finally had it, all it did was create a sense of unease, constant anxiety, like static humming away in the background, ever present, increasing in volume until it was all he could hear. 

_This is so much more than worthless scum like you could ever deserve. This is wrong and you know it. This isn't how things are supposed to be. You're supposed to die alone. How disgusting, how impertinent can you be, to allow something like this to happen? To twist fate like that, shape it into some vile, unrecognisable thing, simply to fulfill your own selfish desires?_

He glanced over towards the sleeping figure, his face barely illuminated by moonlight creeping through cracks in the blinds. His beautiful, perfect, flawless face. He looked so calm, serene, happy. 

_Happy?_

_No, that's wrong. It has to be. How could anyone ever feel happy, or even comfortable, having to sleep next to such a repulsive person. He probably feels disgusted just from having to be in my presence. Ha. How stupid can I be, to think even for a second that he might be happy with me?_

Hinata would always be the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He could spend all night just gazing at him, watching him as he sleeps, the slow rise and fall of his chest. How his soft hand rests gently on his chest, fingers twitching slightly every so often. 

_Creep. Filthy, disgusting creep, thinking you have any right to look at him like that, while he's sleeping, while he's incapable of telling you to stop. How dare you._

And yet Komaeda wondered whether he should do something even worse than just looking. Before he even had a chance to stop himself, his fingers were reaching out and brushing gently against the other boy's cheek. It was so soft, so warm, and it was pathetic how such simple contact made his heart beat faster. 

_You shouldn't be doing this. You're not worthy. It's already bad enough that you just give in and don't fight it when he touches you, kisses you, but at least he has a choice in that. To think that your pitiful impulses are more important than his feelings? So arrogant._

He softly stroked his cheek, fingertips grazing over smooth skin, and when Hinata's lips parted and he sighed so quietly it was barely audible, Komaeda shattered into a thousand pieces. It filled him with emotion, overwhelming and all-consuming, bleeding out uncontrollably. Such intense joy and deep, painful despair, blending together in a disgusting amalgamation that took over him completely and left him trembling, with tears welling up in his eyes. 

_You don't deserve this you don't deserve this you don't deserve this you don't deserve this you don't deserve this you don't deserve this you don't-_

It was painful, so, so painful. It's not as if he was a stranger to pain, but this was different, this was far, far worse than anything he'd ever experienced before. All the anxiety, the guilt, the feeling that this was just so deeply _wrong_ , it was more than he could handle. His eyes were stinging, chest aching and mind buzzing with that static, as a strangled sound crawled its way out of his throat, some bizarre combination of a sob and a whine. 

Hinata stirred. 

"Ko...mae...da?" 

_No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no_

His voice was heavy with exhaustion, but his eyes still slowly blinked open, as Komaeda frantically tried to blink away the tears from his own, jerking his hand away reflexively as if Hinata somehow wouldn't realise what he'd been doing

"Are you okay?"

_Don't even think about telling him. Your mere existence is enough of a burden to him as it is._

Komaeda took in a deep, shaky breath, in an attempt to steady himself, ensure that his voice wouldn't tremble and crack when he answered. He forced a smile, even though he was sure Hinata couldn't see him clearly in the dimly lit room, eyes only half open and still in a daze from being awoken so suddenly. 

"I'm fine, Hinata-kun. I just couldn't sleep." 

_His name still feels like poison on my lips. So wrong. It hurts, knowing that I have no right to say it, to taint such a perfect word._

He amazed himself with how calm and composed he sounded, despite the turmoil within him. Those beautiful, hazy eyes drifted closed again. 

"Mmkay. Just keep trying. I love you." 

_That's the problem isn't it? That's the part that makes no sense. He says it so often, and every time it feels like a knife in my heart. How could anyone, especially someone as wonderful as him, ever lower themselves to say that to someone as repugnant as me? But it's not as if he's lying. He wouldn't lie. No… he's just… wrong. Misled. I must have manipulated him into really believing that he could feel any sort of affection towards me. I really am the worst. So disgusting, so repulsive, so abhorrent, so vile, so worthless. I wish I could just die._

"I love you too, Hinata-kun." 

The endless silence returned. 

**Author's Note:**

> When you don't know how to deal with your emotions in a healthy and constructive way so write random Komahina shit to vent instead.
> 
> I relate to this boy too damn much.


End file.
